


Letters Are A Start, I Guess

by Kyubey_Kotone



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, But Tord will make it all better, Depression, Edd doesn't want to open up or talk, Edd is a sad bby, First chapter is more of a prologue type thing rather than an actual chapter, Future Angst, Future Tord/Edd, Hence why it's so short, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Later chapters will be longer, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Oops didn't mean for that to be in chapter 2 already, Rating May Change, Tord is subtly romantic, letter writing, never skip prologue, not yet, to a degree
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-04 11:25:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12167913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyubey_Kotone/pseuds/Kyubey_Kotone
Summary: It's been a while, since they last saw Tord. They hadn't even imagined what it'd be like, living without each other, not being friends. But everyone has to learn to cope, and others downright can't without forgiveness.What happened if Tord tried to contact Edd after The End? Say... Maybe began writing him some letters?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> There is something I'd like to specify about this story, one being that in this story, Tord never left the first time. He stayed all the way until the End. 
> 
> Ratings and tags will definitely change as the story progresses but seeing as how short this chapter is, I don't want to give any spoilers yet.

It had been months. It had been exactly six months, when being technical. Six months since everything went down hill; since the robot, Tord, and Edd was still having trouble coping. He didn't understand. It didn't make sense to him. To put it simply, his mind was racing one word on repeat: why? Why did Tord do this? Why did he hurt all of them? Tord had lived with them for so long and been his best friend for much longer, even. So, why? If Tord had really hated them so much... Why did he stay for as long as he did? It just, didn't make sense.

As Edd left to check his mail downstairs and gather his friends mail as well, he noticed something off about a specifically red cased letter. His eyes trailed over the envelope, his eyes widening at the symbol he recognised but couldn't place, not to mention the lack of a return address. Just his and the eerie red symbol. He felt himself begin to shake a little, his anxiety spiking but he couldn't figure out why. All he knew was that the symbol felt familiar, and not in a good way. 

The green hoodied brit quickly ran up the stairs back to his apartment, rushing past his friends to return to his one roomed domain. 

"Edd! What about my mail!" Matt called out frustratedly as he quickly turned to watch his friend run past. 

"Sorry! In a minute!" Edd yelled back, slamming his door as he dashed to his couch, flopping down and rushing to open the letter, eagerness and curiosity catching him by his tongue as he ripped open the letter carefully, his eyes going wide as he pulls out pictures, scenaries he'd never seen before. His eyes raced over the pictures, taking in every speck of detail that trailed in the photos, the greenery, the trees, the landscape; all of it. It was too beautiful not to. 

He didn't know any of the places in the pictures, and honestly the first thing coming to his mind was that it was a scam or something to convince him to buy something he really didn't need. It wasn't until flipping a picture over, he could see writing in the top right corner. It read 'For Edd' with a given time, place, and date of when the picture was taken. He could feel worry begin to circle his gut. He recognised the hand writing. It was all too familiar.

His senses heightened when he felt the need to peek into the envelope more, finding a letter behind where the photos once sat. He shakily pulled it out, his eyes going wide and his body going rigid as he began to read it, feeling himself quickly become wracked with contradicting feelings, his heart racing, hoping it was true but his brain was beginning to break down, that familiar word returning.

Why?


	2. Substitute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd misses Tord, but he's got Tom now. Well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect it to get this explicit this soon. 
> 
> Something I should specify, just in case, Edd and Tord were never together. Edd just had a huge crush and would take care of Tord and mothered him. 
> 
> I just hope there aren't too many typos, if there are any.

_'Edd...'_  
  
It'd been too long since he'd heard Tord say his name.  
  
_'It's been.. some time, hasn't it? I guess you could say I lost track of time but I know that it feels like it's been forever. I know if I say what I want to truly say, you wouldn't believe me. Heck, I'd understand if you crumpled up this letter before even reading it.'_  
  
It's beginning to hurt.  
  
_'I can't undo the past, but maybe.. even if this isn't you, Edd, I could just.. pretend it is. At least then, I wouldn't be so alone anymore and I'd have you back, in a sense.'_  
  
It's beginning to really hurt.  
  
_'I hope you like the pictures. I took them just for you. You always were the type to flip over the perfect scenery, and let me tell you, I have plenty more where that came from.'_  
  
Every breath was starting to burn.  
  
_'Until next time, Edd.'_  
  
He was shaking again.  
  
_'-Tord'_  
  
And now there were tears.   
  
Edd had always had problems with anxiety and he had always felt like such a crybaby, and to make things worse, Tord was the only one who knew that. After all the years that they had lived together, Tord was the one he'd grown closest with. Sometimes, he'd almost considered calling them more than friends just because of how close they were. He'd considered confessing so many times but just couldn't bring himself to. And based on the way Tord acted, at one time, he truly thought that Tord felt the same way. But, it was determined... Tord never had feelings for him. He never did, he never would. He made that clear when he got into that robot. He made that clear when--  
  
Edd was beginning to shake now, a little more violently than before. He couldn't handle the raging emotions inside of him. This was what Tord wanted, right? This was payback? No matter how much Edd tried, he just wasn't enough for him. All the times he tried to make him eat, bathe, take care of himself, and all the times that he refused. Edd would never be enough for him, so why can't he get over it? Why can't he get over Tord?   
  
After Tord left and after a cruel reality hit him, he was forced to find someone else to confide in. He guessed that's why there was so much guilt.. He got so close to Tom and shared so many nights with him, but here he is, still crying over a past love that never even became real. It never was real! But.. it was real for him. Just.. not Tord.   
  
Tom was the closest person he could find to Tord... More like substitute. But Tom was someone he could trust; someone he could honestly confide in. But Edd couldn't tell him everything. He knew Tom would hate him if he ever found out his feelings for Tord. But, that's why he was with Tom, right? To move on and get over it, to have someone to cuddle with and talk to at night.   
  
He loved Tom. He really did. Just.. sometimes he missed Tord, which wasn't a bad thing, right? He shivered, pulling his sleeves down and wiping his nose, ignoring the trail of snot that covered his already filthy hoodie. That was one habit he picked up from Tord after the incident; lack of proper hygiene and self care.   
  
A knock echoed from his door softly, as the brown haired boy looked up, his messy, unbrushed hair falling in his face as he scurried to hide the letter, quickly shoving it into the couch cushins as he attempted to wipe away any stray tears.   
  
"C-Come in!" He called out, as he heard Matt and Tom arguing slightly through the door, Tom of course being the one to enter, leaving the narcissist to just wait in the hallway.   
  
"Edd? What was that all about? You just ran past us and never came out." He chuckled slightly, walking over casually and sitting on the arm of the couch, much to Edd's usual discretion. As far as Edd was letting on though, it's not like he really cared at this moment. "You left me with _that_ bundle of anger out there. As if I could really tolerate that long alone with him. Besides, I thought you were getting the mail." He says, the laugh in his voice falling a bit as he notices Edd's body tensing up a bit more.   
  
"H-Hey... It's okay. I'm not angry. Matt is a little bit, but he'll get over it."The blue hoodied male states, scooting off the arm and closer to Edd, taking him into his arms and petting his back as gently as he can. Edd shook his head. "That not it?" Tom questions and Edd shakes his head again, remaining silent.   
  
"Okay, Okay..." Tom pauses, thinking for a moment. "How about this." He said quietly, as he leaned in and pecked Edd's cheek, pulling back in hopes to see a smile. Still no smile. "What about this?"   
  
He leaned in and kissed Edd's neck softly, licking a little bit, hoping to recieve some kind of reaction now. He heard a small gasp from his lover as he continued to drag his tongue softly over the sensitive flesh, moving down a bit, his hand rummaging up Edd's front to tug down the neck of his hoodie and move his mouth a bit more onto Edd's chest. Edd giggled a little, satisfying Tom's need to make him happy.   
  
He pulled back, placing his hand on Edd's shoulder. "That's better. There's that happy boy I like to see. Now, c'mon. Let's head over to Matt's for a movie." Tom said, scratching at Edd's neck in a loving way as he made his move to stand up, extending his arm down to help his lover up as well.   
  
Edd gripped his hand softly, gratiously accepting his help as they went towards Matt, who was still waiting in the hallway.   
  
"Edd! Don't you realise--"   
  
"Chill, Matt. You can get it later tonight ." Edd replied, cutting off the overly dramatic male as they all began to head for  his apartment.   
  
Was he still in a good place for hanging out? If Edd were to be completely honest, no. He just wanted to be alone. When he gets that way, he just can't get himself to calm down, and even if he were to seem like he's better, it'd be an act. The only one who could actually calm him down was--  
  
... That's not important anymore.

  
  
\--

  
Several hours go by, and not much has changed besides Matt falling asleep and Tom being intoxicated. It was one thing that Edd could never understand. He didn't get Tom's addiction to alcohol. At least Tord gave up his hentaii for Edd when they started noticing it was a problem. But Tom, no, he down right refuses.   
  
Another point to Tord.   
  
"H-Hey, Edd! You know what we should do?" The eyeless man questioned, a slur heavy on his voice as he hiccuped abruptly between several of his words.   
  
Edd rolled his eyes, trying to get Tom to stand up with him and take him back to his own apartment. "What?"  
  
"W-We should like, ya know, prank Matt or somethin' while he's asleep. But shh, we'll have to be extra quiet!" He stated loudly as they walked away from the sleeping ginger on the couch and towards the door.   
  
Edd sighed harshly, closing his eyes in frustration as he practically had to drag Tom out the door, as they walked over to Tom's apartment, Edd being the one to get the door, of course.    
  
The green hoodied brit dragged Tom to his bed, attempting to lay him down, only to be pulled into the bed with him. "Hehe.. have we ever had sex while I'm drunk?" Tom asked hazily, his eyes half lidded as he spooned Edd.   
  
Edd squeaked a little, wriggling a bit to get out of Tom's grip. "Yea. It's almost as if every time we have sex you're drunk. And yet, it's still never important enough for you to remember." Edd replied, a harsh edge evident in his voice.   
  
"Oh, c-c'mon Edd, you know that's not true. Y-You're special to me." Tom tried to reply, hoping he could convince Edd just for tnight at least. He really did love Edd and he needed him to believe it, if not tomorrow, then at least tonight; at least some point, Edd would know how he truly felt.  
  
"Yea, I guess that's why you're always drinking. It must be so special to be near me, that you have to drink. I'm really flattered." Edd retorted sarcastically, trying to get free once more from Tom's grip.   
  
Tom shook his head, pulling Edd tighter against him. "Please... Please.. Edd. I love you." The eyeless man quickly began to litter Edd's face in kisses. "Please let me prove it. I-I promise, I'll remember tonight. I swear. "   
  
Edd shivered in response, tilting his head more to the side to give Tom better access to his neck. The blue hoodied male didn't hesitate to place his mouth on Edd's shoulder, nibbling softly as his hands raced all over Edd's front, one of his hands sliding up Edd's chest sensually, the other going down, starting to remove his partners lower clothing.   
  
Edd's breath hitched when he felt his lover's cold hands nudge and touch his skin, pushing off his clothing, just grateful he was allowed to keep his hoodie as he could feel arousal sparking from the light touches. It wasn't long before Edd could feel Tom's erection through his pants, as Tom had stopped to work down his clothing as well.   
  
He scooted his hips back from Edd's rear for a moment, preparing his member at Edd's back entrance, hesitating a moment before sliding it in slowly, taking his time and groaning out softly the further he pushed himself in. The cola loving brit breathed out shakily, releasing a soft whine of pleasure and pain, attempting not to wriggle at the discomfort of being filled.   
  
Tom nipped Edd's shoulder a little more roughly, as his hand snaked down to grip Edd's smaller erection, stroking him very slowly, keeping in rhythm with his own movements, as he pulled back, pushing in a little more quicker than before, making sure to keep a slow and steady, sweet pace that Edd could handle as he squeezed Edd's manhood gently, rubbing his thumb over his tip.  
  
His pace slowly began to quicken, his gestures on Edd's body keeping up, never slacking as he tried to keep Edd pleasured, his hips beginning to slam into Edd's backside, as he could feel his partners insides tightening around him a bit, a loud moan escaping his mouth in response.   
  
"E-Edd.. Edd!" Tom mumbled out quietly against his lovers soft skin, his movements only getting faster as Edd's body began to tremble from too much pleasure, wriggling back against him.  
  
Tom's hand squeezed Edd's cock once more, his body not failing to let out a bit of pre cum, as Tom teasingly ran his thumb over Edd's slit, smearing it into the male's skin as he playfully nudged against the rim.   
  
Edd's heart was racing as he felt himself nearing a climax, his whole body tense and sweating from the warmth and roughness of Tom's hands and body.   
  
"T-Tom!"   
  
That's all it took and he was over the edge, his warm seed spurting into Edd, filling him up and spilling out as Tom removed himself from Edd, the male whimpering from the loss of feeling full but Tom's hands never slowed on his body, the smaller of the two finally cumming, the position allowing it to reach the green hoodied male's hoodie as he groans through his release.  
  
"E-Edd..' Tom breathed out harsly, panting roughly as he could feel Edd's body doing the same against him.   
  
The smaller of the two closed his eyes, swallowing a moment as he tried to catch his breath. "Y-Yea?" The cola lover smiled in response, his body wracked with trembles as he tried to turn around and face Tom.   
  
"I-I really do love you." He whispered out, softly, helping Edd roll over onto him as he didn't hesitate to place a hand behind the brunette's head, pulling him in for a soft kiss that slowly turned more passionate with each passing second, resulting in Edd crawling a bit more onto Tom and Tom wrapping his arms around Edd.  
  
The eyeless man closed his eyes, as Edd whispered in response, letting his body go a bit more limp. "I love you too, you nerd." He said softly, burying his face a bit more into Tom, sleep clearly drawing closer than expected on both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this turned out good :3


	3. I Love My Girl But She Ain't Worth The Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edd is suffering and it's because of his own mind. He's so lost, hurt; empty. 
> 
> But so is Tom and Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New, pretty long chapter! I hope you like it! I don't want to be the type to ask for comments, but feedback does help ^^||

The letter was in his hands, as he sat in isolation on his couch, the clock being the only sound in his apartment as he reread the letter in his hands over and over. He wasn't sure if there was some hidden meaning behind the words or if there was an alterior motive behind his ex-friend sending it. Could it have been genuine care...? Or concern?   
  
No, no... That'd be silly. But was it really?   
  
Edd paused for a moment, his ears perking up. It had been two weeks since he had recieved this letter, and to him, it almost felt like two of the roughest weeks he'd experienced since they moved in to the apartments. He almost felt sick for missing Tord so much, considering the betrayal, but he couldn't help it. Seeing this letter didn't help any either. It was like Tord wanted him to hang on, he felt like he was being lead on only to get crushed again. Was he really that gullible? Maybe he was.  
  
He'd been waiting on the edge of his seat practically every day, his mind running rampant as he waited idly for the next reply. He really was messed up, to let his emotions control him like this. It's pointless to sit around and wait for someone who'll inevitably hurt you again.  
  
Then, a thought struck him, paining his insides with guilt and worry; should he show Matt or Tom the letter? Surely, they'd have more insight than his infatuation would. He wouldn't.. He wouldn't have to hide his feelings any more than he already did, if he showed them the letter. But he couldn't hurt Tom like that, not after everything they'd been through. It wouldn't be right.   
  
He sat, his hands beginning to shake slightly as he felt the hole inside his chest grow, the empty feeling becoming stronger while tears softly ran down his cheeks. He felt the tears escape his eyes, tickling his cheeks the more they rolled down his face. He was so confused, hurt. He.. He thought he could move on. Why wouldn't the image of Tord just let him move on? Just, why... It wasn't fair what Tord did to them, after years of being best friends. It wasn't fair for Tord to contact him again either, like everything was going to be okay! He loved him... He thought Tord loved him back! Was he really playing mind games the whole time?   
  
_'I thought we were... I thought we were friends!'_  
  
_'Hah! No? What would I need friends for when I've got this? I'm unstoppable!'_  
  
The memory replayed in his head over and over, as he quietly shifted, dropping the letter and bringing his knees to his chest, hugging himself tightly as his whole body shook, riddled with anxiety, dread, his heart longing for someone who didn't care. He never would, so why couldn't he move past it? It hurt, it hurt, oh god it hurt him so bad. His insides burned with nostalgia and guilt. Maybe if he had actually said something, this wouldn't have happened...   
  
He sniffled desperately, clinging to his sleeves. This would've never been what he wanted. Jon was dead. Their house was destroyed. He lost the person he loved most. Matt lost his best friend. What was he supposed to do? His body was beginning to shake harder. He didn't know, honestly. He couldn't bring himself to do anything, anymore. The only time he still felt alive and felt like he used to was when he was with Matt and Tom but he could see the concern in their eyes, every time they were together, as if to ensure he wasn't going to do anything... ' _stupid_ ', as they put it.  
  
Edd rose, his body tense and straight, as if he'd lost himself completely. He turned and went directly for the kitchen, no emotion on his face anymore as he went to the knife drawer, his tears running down his face. Nothing was a good enough distraction any more. Nothing could come close, and he honestly deserved it. He dragged the blade across his arm, his face contorting at the pain. He deserved this. He deserved this. He continued, over and over up and down his arms, his sleeves rolled up, blood becoming distinct against his pale skin.   
  
The male quickly jerked the knife up, aiming it directly at his own chest, before falling to his knees, sobbing on the ground as he dropped the knife, beginning to get a bit light headed. He cried out, screaming out the phrase "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," over again, before whispering repeatedly to himself "I deserve this. It's all my fault, I deserve it!" his voice cracking as he just muttered the same words that invaded his head constantly, daily.   
  
He fell to his side, laying on the tile floor of the kitchen, choking on his own snot as he coughed harshly, his breathing going ragged. He couldn't tell if his vision was blurry from tears or being dizzy but he couldn't care, anymore. He didn't deserve to be alive. Edd closed his eyes, losing all his senses of focus, everything going black.  
  
\--  
  
Edd's eyes opened slowly, dried flakes from crying coating his eyelashes and face, as he raised his hands to his face, wiping them off gently before a stinging caught his attention as he looked down, noticing the dried wounds that coated all up and down his arms and the dried remnants of blood on the floor. His eyes went wide, realising he'd done it again. He promised Tom he wouldn't anymore.. He promised..   
  
It's not like Tom kept his promises, like to quit drinking so much. He shakily stood up, taking his arms to the sink, cleaning himself, the wounds burning him as he applied soap, his jaw clenching as he seethed a whine through his teeth. He didn't know why he was cleaning it. He didn't care anymore. After drying himself off, Edd pulled his sleeves down to hide the cuts, cleaning up the mess he made on accident, guilt reigning through his stomach and up to his throat, as if he were to vomit.   
  
Winter was creeping up though; the best time of the year. He'd have a reason to have sleeves, to hide it. Edd walked over to the couch, taking the letter and hiding it once more.   
  
Looking around his empty, lifeless apartment, he looked to the balcony, taking a breath and stepping out. Feeling the cold breeze brush against his cheeks, he felt so at ease. So much more calm than he did before. Even though this was Tord's favourite time of year, and the memories popping in didn't do anything to help, Edd held his composure, making sure he wouldn't let anymore tears fall. Even though he remembers them sitting on the roof, star gazing, the weather being too cold but neither of them caring and just being fascinated with the stars. It didn't bother him. These memories... were good.   
  
Edd looked around, searching the porch for it. When he found the item he was looking for, a small, sad smile crept onto his face as he pulled one out; a cigarette. He placed it just between his lips, lighting it carefully. Edd was never fond of smoking, until he met the Norwegian who always smelled of it. This was only his second time smoking but it made him feel like Tord was still there, in a weird way. He took a few more drags, melancholy evident on his face as his breathing and heartbeat started speeding up. He was trying so hard not to cry.   
  
Edd focused his gaze on the smoke, attempting to distract himself. He really should go downstairs and check the mail. But he almost felt like he was losing his mind, checking it daily, getting his hopes up.   
  
After a couple more drags, he put out the cigarette, returning to the warmth of his apartment, making his way towards the door, his stride hesitant as his fingers gripped the edges of his hoodie, keeping the sleeves low, his fingers barely peeking out. The artist left his room, his soft step guiding him down the stairs towards the front office lobby area. His eyes lit up as he noticed the front door of their building closing, a soft flash of white exiting, resembling a mail man.   
  
Edd ran towards the boxes, fumbling for his keys as he quickly pulled them out, his breath hitching as he opened the mail box, stuffing his hand inside, retrieving the mail. He shakily flipped through the papers, trying his hardest not to get his hopes raised. Only one more letter in the back and he prayed. He never prayed before but for once in his life, he hoped hard enough that it would be what he longed so much for it to be.   
  
He rummaged the papers, his eyes falling, downcast to the floor with disappointment, a sad sigh escaping his lips. It wasn't here. He was beginning to think there might not be another, and that Tord got what he wanted; leading Edd on, whether for personal satisfaction or just control.  
  
He sadly made his way up to his apartment floor, disregarding the blue uniformed man that came in behind him, as he trailed up the familiar stairs. He might as well give Matt and Tom their mail.   
  
He raised his hand to Matt's door, hesitating on knocking, not wanting to burden Matt anymore than he already was. He knew that the events hurt him just as much, if not more than they effected himself. Matt and Tord were best friends. Matt taught Tord how to play piano, and Tord would take care of Matt when his hypoglycemia was acting up. They practically lived in the same room, they were so much closer than he could've ever been with any of them.   
  
He took a deep breath, his knuckles tapping the door softly as a voice called from the other side. The door opened fairly suddenly, as Edd wearily smiled, the bags under his eyes almost becoming a bit more evident. Matt didn't fail to smile, his hand almost immediately motioning for Edd to come in. The comedic artist nodded, heading into the brightly decorated room.   
  
"Hey, Edd. What's up? Did you wanna hang out or somethin'?" Matt asked, his concern still ever so slightly clear in his voice. He knew Edd was upset, everything about Edd's body language screamed that he was having problems again.  
  
The brunette shook his head, a heavy weight of pressure forming on his shoulders as he sagged them more. "Uh, no thank you, Matt. I just stopped by to hand over your mail." He replied curtly.   
  
Matt stared at him a moment, wishing Edd would open up to him again. When the incident first happened, Edd was so open. Edd confided in him about Tord, admitting his feelings and talking about all his thoughts. But after a month, Edd closed off everyone. He refused to open up to anyone.   
  
"Okay..." He paused, looking Edd in the eyes,  contemplating pushing him to open up again, but he knew it'd end with his friend pushing him away like usual. "Thank you, Edd." He replied, reaching his hands out to accept his mail as Edd smiled softly, turning and exiting just as quickly as he had arrived, his heart racing as he heard the door shut behind him. Now all that was left was Tom.   
  
He strode over to Tom's, knocking softly on the door, only for it to open fairly quick.   
  
"Edd?" Tom questioned, his 'eyes' going wide at the sight of his lover, not expecting to see him so soon. "It's been a while. Come on in." Tom said nonchalantly, moving out of the way for Edd to enter.  
  
The male walked in hesitantly, his body shaking slightly, hoping he could just leave soon; hand over the mail and be alone again. That's all.   
  
"Hey, why not have a seat. " Tom replied,  going straight for the couch after he shut the door quietly, looking to Edd, who still stood. Tom's expression faltered to confusion, then hurt as he tried not to show it.  
  
"No, no. I'm not here to stay, I just wanted to hand over your mail." Edd replied, his eyes looking everywhere but Tom's. He sighed, feeling more trembles wrack his body.  
  
Tom didn't buy it. "Edd... C'mon, I haven't seen you for almost a week. We used to live together, see each other daily. We didn't used to be like this. You have to.. you have to talk to me." The eyeless man said, his eyes never leaving the brunette's, his gaze focused intently on the taller male.   
  
"Yea, and what if I don't want to talk?" Edd snapped, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked up to Tom, guilt circling inside him as he tried so hard to figure out why he couldn't just be a normal person and open up.  
  
Tom's shoulders sagged, as he went to stand once again, walking over to Edd. "You can't keep doing this. You can't keep pushing everyone away. I care about you, Matt cares about you. It's not healthy! You gotta talk some time!" Tom pushed, raising his arms a bit in frustration, his voice raising slightly.  
  
Edd shook his head. "Who says it's not healthy? And besides, I never asked you two to worry! I didn't ask for that, so don't blame me! Don't put that on me too!" The Brit yelled back in anger, feeling the frustation bubble inside him followed by self-condemnation.   
  
Tom grunted angrily, stepping closer to the taller, his voice raising and matching Edd's. "I'm your boyfriend, for God's sake! And Matt's your best friend! We're _supposed_ to worry about you! And you're supposed to care about us too! Maybe you would if you didn't isolate yourself all the time, if you actually spent time with us like we used to." He shouted, turning to get into the fridge, feeling the need to take a drink. This was more than he could handle.   
  
He knew his words were harsh and he knew Edd was fragile but he didn't know how much more he could handle to see Edd this way. He _needed_  Edd back, the _old_ Edd that used to have contests with him to see who could stay up the longest, the Edd that would play video games and battle for high scores, the Edd that would laugh at stupid jokes. He wanted things to be good again, _just like old times._   
  
Edd rolled his eyes, slamming his hands against his legs. "Of course! Of course you'd turn to alcohol, and what? Are you gonna blame it on me too?" He said, avoiding Tom's words like a snake, never returning to it's old skin. He didn't want to actually respond, because he knew Tom was right. He knew he wasn't a good friend anymore but he couldn't help it. He just had so much trouble being with his friends because of all the intrusive thoughts, he couldn't be happy like he used to and he didn't want to drag his friends down with him. It wouldn't be fair to either of them.  
  
Tom turned, flashing Edd a daring glare. "No. You know I wouldn't go that far." He said, grabbing the bottle of Smirnoff and downing it, chugging the bottle, 'til the last remnants of liquid were barely dripping down his throat.   
  
Edd closed his eyes, shaking his head. "You do when you're drunk." He whispered, feeling the tears start to spill as he dropped the mail on the counter, turning and exiting the apartment, slamming the door behind him as he scurried back to his own apartment, feeling himself break.   
  
Tom sighed, feeling concern wash over him as he watched his lover angrily leave. He wanted to go and apologise, but honestly, what was there to say right now? Edd wouldn't be in the right place to forgive him. Edd just... Needed more time.   
  
The eyeless man angrily turned, throwing the bottle against a wall. How much time would ever be enough? Why was Edd so depressed now? He understood that him and Tord were close, but for it to effect him this bad even still, it's been almost 7 months, over half a year. Why wasn't he at least happier? It's like he's only gotten worse! Why couldn't he be enough to make Edd happy?  
  
Tom was at a loss of words as he pressed his back to the fridge, sliding down to the floor before a knock sounded, resonating from his door.   
  
"Go away." He said, his voice cracking and his body beginning to shake, realising how badly he just hurt Edd.   
  
Then keys rattled.   
  
The usually drunk man stood up, going to the door before it swung open, revealing a very concerned ginger.   
  
"Tom! I heard glass break. Are you okay?" He asked, distress evident and clear in his voice.   
  
The male shrugged, his normal not caring expression returning. "Just, Edd... He needs you more right now. Go check on him..." He replied, his chest rising a bit shakily as he tried to keep an even breath and not give in to any emotions, especially in front of Matt.  
  
"Wh-What happened, though? I need a heads up before I go barging into Edd's place." Matt returned, his eyebrows raising in fear, not even sure what he was gonna see of Edd. This wasn't like either of them, and it hurt. Matt only ever wanted them all to be happy. He would've done anything, if it meant keeping his friends happy. He'd put aside all his feelings, he'd ignore his anxiety, his feelings for Tom, he'd put it all aside, if it meant keeping everyone happy.  
  
Tom sighed, grunting before raising his voice a little in irritation. "We just had a fight, okay? He won't wanna talk to me, so go make yourself useful for once and sure he's okay. I can handle myself." He said harshly, almost like a jab at Edd.   
  
Matt felt himself tense from Tom's seriousness, his body beginning to quake with fear from being yelled at as he quickly nodded his head, making his way to Edd's.   
  
The eyeless man strode to the door, shutting it softly as he leaned back against it. What was he doing? He'd always had feelings for Edd, and to finally establish this relationship, only to see Edd act in such ways he never has... It was beginning to take a toll on him. He loved Edd, regardless. He understood this was all just... harder on Edd; the incident, the robot.. Tord. But...   
  
He was there too. Through all of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it so far!


End file.
